SINGAPORE: An employer turned to social media for advice after noticing that her helper had repeatedly disregarded house rules and boundaries.
In an anonymous post on the ‘MDW in Singapore’ Facebook group on Friday (Mar 14), the employer explained that her helper had been with the family for 1.5 years and was generally okay with their baby. However, they started noticing several concerning behaviours that made them question whether they should continue employing her.
One of the main issues was that while the family was on holiday, the helper left the house multiple times without permission. “We saw via home cameras that she left the house for two hours on three separate days without informing us,” the employer said.
On top of that, the helper repeatedly ignored house rules. Despite being told not to, she continued ordering personal packages to their home. She even invited a friend, another helper, over without asking for permission.
The employer also found it strange that the helper had changed her phone number three times since starting work with them, which made her uneasy.
“We’ve tried to support her—paid thousands for her hospital bills when she was sick, sleep-trained our baby, and sent him to school to lighten her workload,” the employer continued. “She’s thanked us and promised to be good, but her actions don’t align with her words. We’re torn between giving her another chance or terminating her contract.”
Unsure of what to do next, the employer asked the online community, “Has anyone dealt with similar issues? How would you handle this?”
“This is a blatant disregard of your house rules. Act accordingly…”
In the comments section, responses were mixed. Some told the employer to just end the contract and send the helper home, saying her constant rule-breaking and phone number changes were big red flags.
One said, “I’d send her back. Too many safety issues here to consider and red flags. It’s not okay to go out without permission and to invite friends over without asking. It’s like taking leave from work without seeking approval.”
Another commented, “Please let her go. The changing phone numbers 3 times seems like a loan shark issue to me.”
A third said, “1.5 yrs, no need to talk already. This is (a) blatant disregard of your house rules. Act accordingly.”
Others, however, had a different perspective and defended the helper. They questioned why it was such a big deal for her to go out while the employers were away, arguing that she was an adult and not a “prisoner” or “animal” who needed to be confined to the house at all times.
Some also pushed back against the suspicion surrounding the helper’s phone number changes. Instead of assuming the worst, they suggested that she might simply switch to cheaper mobile plans or look for better deals.
They advised the employer not to jump to conclusions and instead have an open conversation with the helper to understand her side of the story.
One wrote, “Talk to her. Do not get lost in your own assumptions; just have a frank and open-minded discussion; maybe there are valid reasons for changing phone numbers.”
Another added, “I find it ridiculous to assume that changing phone numbers is suspicious. I changed phone numbers many times in the span of six months, but that doesn’t mean I have a shady activity, and about parcels, where else should she send (them)? Unless you have given her another address.”
Where to get help as an employer
If you’re facing challenges with your helper, the Ministry of Manpower (MOM) suggests having an open and honest conversation first.
Many issues can be resolved by simply talking things through, but if that doesn’t work, you can seek help from your Employment Agency or organisations like the Association of Employment Agencies (Singapore) and the Centre for Domestic Employees.
These groups offer mediation services to help both employers and helpers find fair and practical solutions.
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Featured image by freepik (for illustration purposes only)