SINGAPORE: A 32-year-old woman recently revealed on social media that her parents strongly oppose her relationship with her 42-year-old boyfriend—a divorced father of two—after finding out that she has been paying half the rent and household expenses.
In a post on a local forum, she explained that she only agreed to share the expenses to make her boyfriend “happier,” and because his mother lashed out at her upon discovering that she hadn’t contributed to the rent during their first year together. She said, “His mum (aged 70+) threw a fit and said something along the lines of me taking advantage of her son.”
However, the problem now is that her parents are extremely disappointed with the arrangement. They told her it was a mistake to pay rent, especially since her boyfriend has a complicated past—being divorced with children—and has never promised marriage.
“They [my parents] think he’s taking advantage of me. In Chinese, they said I am 倒贴,” she wrote.
Moreover, she shared that she feels guilty for lying to her parents about not wanting kids or marriage because her boyfriend no longer wants either.
“Right now, my boyfriend doesn’t want more kids and never really promised marriage,” she wrote. “Just that with my parents, I feel guilty. They’ve been supportive of me, but I couldn’t find the right person to settle down with, and I still make them worry… What they said is also affecting my mindset—that maybe I’m not making the best life choices, especially in terms of long-term security and the whole paying rent thing.”
She then asked the local community what their thoughts and advice are for her situation, adding, “Are my/his parents too old-school or culturally different—so I should just ignore them? Do I need to stand up for myself, talk to my boyfriend, and stop paying rent? What would you think if your friend or colleague were in the same situation?
Or should I just change myself, work harder on my career, and spend less time on relationships—so that I won’t feel insecure when people comment on my life choices?”
“Don’t let someone string you along; don’t change yourself for someone else.”
In the discussion thread, Singaporean Reddit users offered a range of opinions, with many encouraging the woman to reflect deeply on the dynamics of her relationship.
Several users questioned whether both she and her boyfriend were genuinely comfortable with the current financial arrangement, noting that financial matters—particularly how expenses are shared—can often become a significant source of conflict in a relationship.
They emphasised that if both partners have mutually agreed on the setup and feel it is fair, then external opinions, even from family members, should not override the couple’s shared decision.
Beyond financial concerns, many users highlighted a potential misalignment in long-term goals. Based on her post, it appeared that the woman still harboured hopes for marriage and children, while her boyfriend had clearly communicated that he did not wish to pursue either.
Some users expressed concern that she might be suppressing her true desires and values in order to maintain the relationship. They cautioned that compromising on such important life goals could lead to regret and emotional distress in the future.
One user said, “You want kids and you want to get married. Listen to your heart. Once upon a time, I dated a divorcee (no kids), and he didn’t want kids, but I did. Now I am happily married to another guy who is a great husband, and we are aligned. Don’t let someone string you along; don’t change yourself for someone else (because they won’t do so for you).”
Another added, “Don’t think paying rent is the problem here, it’s more like what’s your end goal, and do you see a future with him? Otherwise, are you okay with the status quo and just living with this situation?”
A third simply stated, “Do you see a future with this guy? If yes, then stay. If not, then don’t. You already have the answer to this question.”
In other news, a foreign traveller took to social media to share that he was very disappointed with his first trip to Singapore.
Posting on the r/askSingapore subreddit on Friday (April 11), the traveller mentioned that he had been really excited about the trip because he had heard many glowing reviews about how “modern, clean, and efficient” the country is. And to be fair, those aspects didn’t disappoint — he acknowledged that Singapore certainly lived up to its reputation on those fronts.
However, what dampened the experience for him was the general lack of warmth and friendliness he felt from the locals.
Featured image by Depositphotos (for illustration purposes only)